Harry Potter Characters Commit Suicide
by Jade Ariel
Summary: Random illiterate thing. It may make your eyes bleed; beware. Don't take this as my actual writing level, please. I was 12.
1. Ronald Weasley

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww... 

o0O0o

Ron ducked under the table then slitted his wrists. The blood got all over the invisibility cloak, revealing the Marauders. Then they got killed by Voldie and there was no more Harry Potter, but there was a fully powerful Voldemort, who took over the world and made them scrape his toejam out from between his toes. Yuck.

You ask why? The reason Ron ducked under the table was because he was hiding from Hermione and her birds ... wait a minute, that didn't come out right. Her canaries. Yeah, that's it. Although I wasn't sure about Hermione's gender... hmm. But that's another whole mystery in itself.

That is the suicide of Ronald Weasley.

o0O0o

A/N:

Random thing that popped into my head. Please R & R!


	2. Draco Malfoy

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww...

o0O0o

Draco Malfoy slit his wrists because Harry didn't notice his new dress robes. "What can I do to impress that boy?" He complained to Pansy, who then went off and slit her wrists because Draco liked Harry Potter more than her. Then, Draco came back as a ghost and haunted Harry, forcing him to eat five pies every hour, on the hour. And on Christmas... twenty an hour! Harry ran away from Draco -- rather, rolled away -- and then Draco floated over to Myrtle's bathroom and turned emo with the crying girl.

That is the suicide of Draco Malfoy

o0O0o

A/N:

Yes, I am weird. Just R&R please! Because you love me! 


	3. Harry Potter

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww...

o0O0o

Harry Potter committed suicide because Lord Snakeface was being a meanie head and stole Harry's hair brush. He had tried to get it back, but unfortunately failed. He slit his wrists and went to the afterlife. He found his parents and all the people who had died for him and all of a sudden got very guilty, took out a knife, and killed himself again.

Why, you ask? I don't know. And I don't know how, either. Last I checked, he was brooding in the Astronomy tower, imitating cows whenever someone came up so they would run away and leave him alone.

o0O0o

A/N:

R&R! Because you love me and want me to write more random stuff... right? 


	4. Hermione Granger

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww...

o0O0o

Hermine Granger committed suicide because... she/he/it didn't have a gender. Need I say more? Yeah, I do or else this would be a pretty boring story.

Anyway... it died. And then came back as a ghost. And then read all the books in the library, accompanied by its killer canaries. Who would randomly attack any tall red-haired boys they happened to come in contact with.

After the library, it ran - well, floated seeing as it was a ghost - in front of a school bus and died again. If that's possible. Anyway, then it turned into a genderless rock, and was doomed to be stepped on for all eternity.

o0O0o

A/N:

I'm so cool.. so R&R! 


	5. Lord Snakeface

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww...

o0O0o

Lord Snakeface committed suicide because Wormtail refused to go and get him those cute slittery pink high heel shoes that he had wanted so badly. He really wanted them as a present so then Lucious would notice him more...

Oh well, none of that mattered now. He was in the afterlife, where he can have hair (put into pigtails, of course) and as many shoes as he can think of.

But, there was one tiny detail... every day at 5:30, people would come into his little house and then proceed to beat him with rubber chickens filled with mud. He hated this because mud was so difficult to wash out of his clothes.

o0O0o

A/N:

R&R please and thank you! Maybe I'll give you a cookie... coughornotcough 


	6. Remus Lupin

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww...

o0O0o

Remus Lupin committed suicide because all of his friends were dead. Execpt Peter, but he didn't care about him. He felt left out, so he took his wand, put it to his head, and pulled the trigger. Wait a minute, wands don't have triggers. Oh well, they do now. Anyways, he put his wand to his head and saw the flash of green light, the rushing sound, and found himself water skiing in a forest. There were gnomes dancing in miniskirts, who waved at Remus flirtatiously as he passed by. Then he crashed, and he died, and lived forever with Hermione, and they read for happily ever after, other than the fact they were both dead, and the rabid canaries would peck Remus' ears, so he couldn't get them pierced again. How sad.

o0O0o

A/N:

No, I am not crazy. Or am I... Dun dun dun... R&R please! 


	7. Neville Longbottom

Disclaimer: It's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!! ... Wait a second... change in script, it belongs to JKR... awwww...

o0O0o

Neville Longbottom got so sad because of Severus Snape one day that he ran into the Forbidden forest with barbecue sause on his robes screaming "I'm a turkey!! Come and eat me!!" Gwrap came, and Neville launched himself into the giant's open mouth. But Gwrap swallowed him whole! Wanting to die, Neville used his wand to blow up himself and the giant, making guts go everywhere.

Then, in the afterlife, he got depressed because there was no one he liked there, so he turned into a grim reaper and went to St. Mungo's to kill Frank and Alice, his parents. After they died he realised that he didn't know how to get back to the afterlife to be with them. So he went to Canada and went to live in the CN Tower where every so often he pushes a human down the stairs. He also sometimes has nightmares about grease and cauldrons, making him cry and hug his stuffed teddy bear, Mr Snugglesworth.

o0O0o

A/N: Please R & R, I know you wanna! Because I know your thoughts. 


End file.
